Funny you mention all this. If you asked me a year ago, I would have thought we were less sexist than average, but then I posed the question and got reamed in a lot of rainbow circles by men who thought I was full of it - that's when the hostility towards women started to fly.

I think it's very complicated and don't have a lot of answers. But in New Mexico this year we had a "Warrior Women's Council" that went for 6 hours, was very well attended and was very productive.

I camped near Fairy Camp this year and found the people hanging there were a mixed bag - lots of straight people hanging out. As a friend of mine pointed out when I posed the questions in Spring 2008, we're trying to mesh what we call "tribal culture" with modern culture.

Personally I do a lot of Shanti Sena and work mostly with a bunch of other strong women - although there are men as well.

I'm glad you brought this up as the more we ponder these things, the easier equality becomes.

For change to happen on the grander scale, I believe it first needs to happen within each & every one of us as individuals. And I don't doubt that it's happening already, otherwise this thread probably wouldn't have been started. Myself, I've also experienced "gender roles" at rainbow gatherings, councils, potlucks. What we all need to remember, though, is that there is no rulebook. I know I never received a copy of what was required of me as a male! "We honor you we empower you to be who you are". So why aren't we??? Speaking just from my own perspective, I sometimes feel that certain folks have some sort of fear/unknowing of being their own person. It's almost like being in high school & trying your absolute hardest to fit in with the "in-crowd" in order to gain acceptance. Again, speaking from my own perspective, I vowed a long time ago...even before experiencing rainbow...to follow the beat of my own drum. I mean, isn't it that same inner drumbeat that lead many of us to rainbow in the first place? The views/opinions of others are not always necessarily our own. Empowerment happens when we stand up & express & embody what's truly in our hearts rather than the skewed values that are sometimes thrown at us. In this way, we are able to gain acceptance of OURSELVES, which is what truly matters. I am a male. I am a warrior AND a healer. I embrace my ENTIRE family...the sisters, the brothers, the children, the trees, the four leggeds, the winged ones, Mother Earth, Father Sky & the Great Spirit. I am a perpetual student & don't pretend to have all the answers. My mission is, simply, one of service to all. I'm sure...to some degree...we will always have trials & tribulations to balance out the peace & bliss. And that's ok. In the end, it's the love that matters. And I love you all!!!

I have never experienced any freedom limitations based on gender at the RAinbow. I've been going for 10 years. I wouldn't call it patriarchal, rather sensible. Mothers do need to be let to food and services first. Elderly women also ned to be let ahead first, becasue, as proven, omen have more age related problems than men.Sure, then we are talking about elders, and they should always be respected( men too). But I think that part depends more on the condition of the person, and their personal perception of their age.The rest of the line, guys and girls are equal. As far as protection is concerned- I think women wouldn't feel too offended if a guy offered them such. Or at least shouldn't. Playing abadass in the night in a forest is rather silly. Women are generally smaller and easier to abuse.
On the other hand, why do people not want to acknowledge the fact that men and women are indeed different, and perfect as they are? Look at our matriarchal past- men were still running the heavy weight task. Yes, the true amazons( btw one of the tribes lived in area nowadays known as Azerbaijan, and kicked Pompeii's army' ass) could fight, but still lived with men for reproduction and heavy house choirs. Not because women can't bear weight( I beat up boys in school, I know) but because nature gave us different skills to deal with things. I personally love to be " momma" and feel protected and taken care of, so I can be more relaxed and take care of my children better. Nowadays, after all the " emancipation" all woman ended up with is more choirs to do, more pants to wash( now also their own) ; while men became confused about their roles and responsibilities and turned feminine. As a result, men fail as men, women fail as women.There was and is nothing wrong with gender roles, as long as they are not being forced( like women belongs in the kitchen, or only men drive bullcrap). We have to look deeper into history( or at least listen to AMMA once talking on masculinity and femininity). I like my men old fashioned, and I like to be a bit needy woman. Really. I'm tired of doing everything alone. But all the men I meet nowadays believe in equality. Which leaves me to open my own doors and put on a coat while I have nerve damage in my arm, or carry heavy boxes to the new home after a C-section. The old tribal societies still have peace, because they recognize the strength and weaknesses of either gender.Women rule the house, men- outside. Women need more energy to reproduce and nurture- thus we need more rest from stress. No matter how one fools themselves, women are still mothers, and men- hunters. Any different, would be from nature's point of view, considered deviation from norm (caused by childhood experiences, hormone deficiency and trauma).However, we as humans ,have learned to accept all things unusual, as long as they are not destructive. And its good that way! We should be allowed personal choices: sexual orientation, etc. But many men who believe in equality, are being plain lazy and rude to women nowadays. No concern about the baby crying at her lap, or monthly hormonal shift. Womem seem to have pushed the issue of equal rights to the point men think they should take care of everything alone. Men eave their families easier nowadays too, certain the woman can manage breastfeeding and working full time too! Yes, of course we can and are doing it for most part, bu its destructive to our health, and ability to be mothers and wives( any sex drive lost lately?). All I see in "equal" relationships are overly stressed women.Machismo, on the other hand, completely shuts off what the woman actually wants, but acts as it thinks is good for the woman. SO, you can end up with overworked woman who only takes care of the kids and household, which would seem to give her time for herself- but she has no chance to do what she wants with that time. Or that a man assumes if there's money in the house, he doesn't have to talk to his wife, ask how her day was, do the shoppings, clean his own mess, or be gentle.
Of course, there are enlightened exceptions in every culture. Like are happy Moslim wife without damaged hips from bending over all day for housework, and who can communicate with their man; or stay home Western mom, so she can enjoy drawing and playing with her kids, instead of the state employees doing it while she's stuck in the next rush hour jam.
I find modern "Western man" to be useless. And "Eastern man" to be chauvinistic and sexist. Humans need to find balance and harmony still. So, please, keep at least the Rainbow time that time a woman can relax a bit and feel taken care of. My Rainbow sisters and I truly appreciate it( most of us a single moms). Just show respect, we are not pudding.
As far as Fairy camp- I love hanging out there with all my straight friends, and see no homophobia. Actually, I had more feeling that "fairies" prefer to gather there together, since they could meet a date. Its cute.

the fairy thing just comes down to the individual, on the whole i think we the family are very accepting but there will always be that modicum of that fear at gatherings until the rest of the big world is rinsed of it too. as for the protector thing i see where you come from but for me even from when i was a little boy ive always had an instict to protect women or anyone physically smaller or less capable of protecting themselves for that matter...but really when we where in caves, seeing as how it is the woman that would lactate, the dudes just kind of had to watch after, and take care of needs and dangers while the women nurtured, it's primodial, way way deep in there, we are still animals...maybe it is this animal nature we are trying to bring our selves away from so we can evolve?? it's deep in me and i cant feel bad or strange about it, and either way protecting is not dictating or being patriarchal its protecting...thats it. i think... if you feel it, be it, do it, all protectors are good.
love cole

There are many roles to play at a gathering a mother , a father, a child. From the perspective of those controlled and the controlling you ask who is in charge the boys or the girls .nobodies in charge dude, just be!

Woah, kinda disgusted just reading this, what I mean is people are people. There are minor physical differences between men and women. Not too many neurological differences either. Whats the big deal. I'm planning on heading to Nationals this year. And I've only been to one other Rainbow (it was regional) but the impression I gathered is 'Family' is just that. Yes, due to the nature of life and the mentality that is instilled upon us a birth. There is a degree of sexism everywhere. It starts with the kids. Protect the Mommas. Well buddy. I can protect myself, especially if this 'mommas' cookin. Skillets to the head hurt. Its the kids that need protection, that we have to shape and mold into what we want the future to be. Yea, great ideals lets do it ourselves. Well...the simple fact of the matter is. 50 years down the road, their running the show not us.

If your 'family' it shouldn't matter your race, sexuality, or gender. In my mind. I don't care what the person next to me thinks or not, but in my mind you leave all that when you go home. It would be lovely to bundle it all up and carry it with me always. I try to be a nonjudgmental person, but there are times I find myself slipping. We all have a heart and a brain, and are capabilie of compassion and hatred. But the beauty of 'family' once again...I tend to live in my own little world!! Is that none of that matters when your around the fire.

Fairy's should stay at FairyCamp...well heck, what makes me wanna throw this computer through a window is that deal that its 100% cool for two women to kiss, but not for two men to kiss. BULLSHIT! Its like I just said programming. Our parents did it to us, with help from the media, were conditioned to have closed minds. Its when your able to break through the BS and realize the beauty of humanity that you've got something.

*hugs*
Kitty.